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Een omweg die cirkelt, kronkelt, misschien zelfs even doet duizelen, maar je uiteindelijk gewoon weer terugbrengt naar het begin. Naar je wortels. \nMaar misschien is dat stiekem deels waarom je weggaat? Omdat je een plek hebt om naar terug te keren. \nSoms moet je even weg omdat je niet weet wat je hier nog kan betekenen. Het hier lijkt dan uitverteld, de bodem uitgeput. \nIs weggaan een ijdele beslissing? \nMaak je jezelf gewoon iets wijs? \nTe denken dat je kunt ontsnappen. \nDat er elders meer te geef is. \nDat je anders bent dan een boom die gebonden is aan een bepaalde grond. \n\nZou Jef dit soort gedachten hebben gehad? \nOf wat deed hem boomstronken met metaal omringen?\n\nJef Geys laat zich typeren als een kunstenaar die blijft. \nEen kunstenaar die een loopbaan lang voltijds lesgeeft op een klein, onbenullig schooltje in Balen. Op negen kilometer van het dorp waar hij geboren is. Trouw aan zijn wortels. \n\nZo onbenullig was dat schooltje natuurlijk niet. Ook andere prominenten gaven er toevallig les. Zoals de toneelschrijver en journalist Walter van den Broeck. Of de politiek geëngageerde Jef Sleeckx. Maar, nog belangrijker misschien, is dat deze baan Jef de mogelijkheid gaf om een auto te kopen, waar hij ’s weekends kilometers en kilometers mee aﬂegde om elke belangwekkende tentoonstelling in de wijde omgeving te bezoeken. Tijdens zijn eigen kunstopleiding hadden de docenten namelijk smalend gedaan over hedendaagse kunst. Hij moest het zichzelf dus bijbrengen. Is nieuwsgierigheid iets dat je leert of iets dat je bezit? Maar misschien is het noodzakelijker dan nieuwsgierigheid, misschien kwam hij in die tentoonstellingsbezoeken ook weer een zelf tegen die hij doorheen de week deels verloren was geraakt. Een zekere weerbarstigheid zet aan tot het leren van wie je bent, het zet aan tot creatie, een gestroomlijnd leven doet argeloos vergeten. Kunst is soms als een ring die ons eraan herinnert het leven te omhelzen. Misschien doet ze ons even naar het ongewisse reiken, maar uiteindelijk brengt ze ons terug naar onze wortels. \n\nHoe Jef het precies voor elkaar heeft gekregen weet ik niet, maar ongelofelijk is het hoe hij in mei 1984, originele werken van internationaal gerenommeerde kunstenaars zoals Andy Warhol en Lucio Fontana tot in zijn klas in Balen brengt voor een tentoonstelling die het dorp nog nooit heeft gezien en nooit meer zal zien. \n\nZo geeft Jef zijn dorpsgenoten en leerlingen iets wat hij zelf niet gekregen heeft. \n\nDe Italiaanse Fontana staat bekend om de snedes die hij in zijn opgespannen schildersdoeken aanbrengt. Ook in Jefs klas in Balen hing permanent zo’n doek. Het hing er als een uiterst stille vorm van provocatie. Jef wachtte op een student die hierover een vraag zou stellen. Die vraag zou er zeker komen. Zo’n doek valt namelijk op in een ruimte waar alles nuttig is. Een tafel is een tafel, een stoel is een stoel, maar wat is een opgereten doek? \nIs dat dan kunst, meneer? \nDat is toch niet mooi? \n\nErgens raakt die basale verbazing aan een kernvraag, want waarom zouden we iets bewonderen dat beschadigd is? \n\nWat zou Jef geantwoord hebben? \nIets zegt me dat hij zich niet met voorgekauwde verklaringen uit de kunstgeschiedenis behielp.\n\nHoe leg je aan een puber uit dat verering en verwonding soms gevaarlijk dicht tegen elkaar aan schuren? \n\nZou hij iets verteld hebben over Joseph Beuys? Hoe die predikte dat wanneer je met een scherp mes in je vinger snijdt, je je niet moet bekommeren over je eigen bloedende vlees, maar juist het mes met zorg moet omwikkelen?\nDe pleister moet volgens Beuys dus om het vlijmscherpe mes, niet om je kloppende, verwonde vingertop. \nHet mes als oorsprong van de wonde. \nNaar het begin moet gekeken worden, niet naar het banale gevolg. \nKwetst het mes uit liefde? \n\nLiefde? \n\nWeet een vijftienjarige dan iets van liefde? \nIk ben geneigd om te denken dat de gemiddelde vijftienjarige meer over kunst weet dan liefde. Want wie, behalve onze moeders misschien, weet er nu echt iets van liefde? \nNiet de gemiddelde vijftienjarige, denk ik, die nog zodanig in de greep is van discipline en routine, in het gareel gehouden door het pedagogische project, hart en ziel strak ingesnoerd. \n\nBlijkbaar was Jef een stille leerkracht, zat hij achteraan in de klas de krant te lezen terwijl de leerlingen bezig waren met hun opdrachten. Bijtijds gaf hij misschien wel aanwijzingen, maar om vol-ledig als herder de weg te wijzen aan een kudde kauwende schapen, nee daar verspilde hij zijn tijd niet aan. Hij gebruikte de talloze lesuren van zijn voltijdse betrekking namelijk ook om zich aan zijn eigen werk te wijden. Hoe kan het ook anders? Het getuigt toch van generositeit als zowel student als docent de schooltijd gebruiken om te groeien, zichzelf te ontplooien en tot ﬂoreren te brengen? Is dat dan niet waar de natuur ons tot stuwt? \n\nJef was een eenzaat, zo heb ik ergens gelezen, zwijgzaam ook, maar blijkbaar wilde hij, zoals het eenzaten meestal betaamt, dat anderen getuige waren van zijn zwijgzaamheid. Zo ging hij op ver-schillende plekken in het dorp koﬃe drinken. In de bibliotheek bijvoorbeeld, maar ook bij de apotheker. Dan ging hij de winkel binnen, liep hij onmiddellijk naar achteren, de keuken in, en schonk hij zichzelf daar tot wel drie kopjes koﬃe in, die er vers gemaakt op hem stond te wachten. \n\nHield hij van deze cirkels en kronkels doorheen het dorp of was het deel van een conceptuele performance van een strakke focus en zijn tomeloze toewijding tegenover zijn kunstroeping? Bij een kopje koﬃe leefde hij in het dorp, maar bewoonde tegelijk een heel eigen wereld. Hoe meer toeschouwers er waren, hoe echter het werd. \n\nAls je met een mes in je vinger snijdt, bekommer je dan om het mes, maar wat moet je met een trouwring die door de jaren heen te klein is geworden? Een strak zittende ring maakt geen bloedende wonde en toch zullen we ons meer om ringen bekommeren dan we ooit een mes zullen verzorgen. Een ring is niet zoals een huwelijk, hoe het soms uitzet, dan weer krimpt. Het is star in wat het omhelst, het laat niet los.\n\nMaar hier dus wel, kijk maar. Hier zijn ringen die in een steeds veranderende tussenstand zweven. \nKijk maar. 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Jarenlang liep er vanuit mijn raam naar het raam van de overbuurvrouw een wasdraad. Ik schatte haar 30 op het moment dat de draad er kwam. We zagen elkaar nooit en ontweken elkaars blik. De draad hing en het was goed zo. Ik had nog weinig contact met mensen maar dit was anders - functioneel haast en afgebakend door de ruimte tussen haar raam en het mijne. Ik leerde haar stijl kennen: meestal waren het kledingstukken in vale effen kleuren, comfortabele onderbroeken en zelfgebreide truien die ze over de draad te drogen hing. Ze had vaste wasmomenten, neen, ze was niet het avontuurlijke type. Als een mak schaapje stelde ik mijn leven op het hare af. Het was geïsoleerd en eenzaam, de wereld was me door de jaren heen minder en minder gaan interesseren. Maar de was op de wasdraad kwam steeds terug en haar aanwezigheid in mijn leven was betrouwbaar. Geen van ons beiden had de ambitie koorddanser te worden en de ruimte tussen ons te overbruggen. Deze vrouw die ik eigenlijk niet kende gaf mijn leven weer een ritme - als een kind dat me wekte omdat het honger had en daarna weer in slaap viel. Een herhaling die vanzelfsprekend leek. \n\nOp een dag zag ik kleren waarvan ik wist dat ze niet de hare waren. Er hingen lange witte sokken, een geruit hemd en een spijkerbroek over de draad. Ze week af van haar vaste wasdagen. Het ritme van de dagen voelde gehaaster aan. Haar ritme gooide ook het mijne om. Ik weigerde me aan te passen en wilde tonen dat ik me zou houden aan hoe we het gewend waren. Zo gebeurde het dat onze kleren samen op de draad hingen. Wat we zo vermeden, leek opeens de normaalste zaak van de wereld. Ik zag hoe de armen van onze truien door de wind in elkaar verstrengeld raakten. \n\nIk had het niet zien aankomen. Het was 9 maanden later dat ik zag dat er naast de vrouwenkleren en witte sokken en het geruite hemd ook mini sokjes te drogen hingen, slabbers en gewassen luiers. Bungelend onder de eerste lentezon luidde zich een nieuw tijdperk in. Ik, die dacht dat ik uit het wasgoed alles zou kunnen afleiden, wist niet dat er zich aan de overkant een nieuw leven aan het vormen was. Daar werd een nieuw verhaal geschreven en hier stond de tijd stil. Hier zouden de ramen nooit meer barsten door het gekrijs van een nieuw leven. Hier is elke dag hetzelfde en geen enkele zoals het hoort. Hier aan deze kant van de wasdraad ligt een leegte die de dagen dicteert. Ik krijg het zout niet uit mijn kleren gewassen. Ik heb mijn best gedaan maar ik kreeg de dood niet teruggedraaid. Ik heb alles geprobeerd: gewenst dat de navelstreng nooit werd doorgeknipt, geloofd in het hiernamaals en mezelf in slaap proberen zingen. Hier galmt geen stem meer door de babyfoon. Hier is het stil. \n\nUren bleef ik daar staan, bij het raam, starend naar de babykleren. Ik had alles in de hand gehad. Ik had alles onder controle - tot op dit moment. 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(Luisteren) .. is hij daar? Nee. \nI’m waiting for Ai Weiwei(ting). \nWe moeten nog juist de details van ‘de legende’ overlopen en we zijn d’er vanaf. \nHet is al de derde keer dat ik hier sta. \n\nDe eerste keer kwam er - terwijl ik stond te wachten - een jongetje voorbij gelopen. En dat kind, dat liep zo zwierig en zonder fout over die brug. \nHij gleed erover! \nDa’s ongelooflijk, dacht ik, want die brug, die is niet simpel, hé?! \nDat is een hindernissenparcours, met al die ambetante, houten uitsteeksels, dat mos en die verraderlijke monsters die te pas en te onpas kunnen verschijnen. \nJawel! Gelijk die Schotse watergeest met zijn drie bovenlichamen, drie kinderkoppen en zes armen! Pas maar op! Die popt ineens op, pakt u bij uw kruis en sleurt u mee den dieperik in! En diene vossegeest met zijn gouden sacoche, die zich voordoet als een raspaard. Laat u niet verblinden, hé! Alstublieft! Ga gewoon opzij! \n\nMaar dat jongetje in zijn blauwe hoodie voelde zich helemaal in zijn element. \nMisschien omdat het materiaal voor deze ‘Bridge without a name’ uit Sichuan, China komt. Er was daar een aardbeving geweest waarbij vijfduizend schoolkinderen verpletterd werden onder de brokstukken van hun eigen klaslokalen De oorzaak? Slecht gebouwde scholen! Slordigheid! Corruptie! \nAi Weiwei werd daar woest van! \nHij transformeerde op een bepaald moment zelfs in een draak en hij spuwde .. kunst! \nMaar de kinderen, oh, die kijken daar door, hé. Die voelen de tragiek wel, maar die nemen dat lastig parcours moeiteloos en onbezwaard. Het zijn kinders, hé! \nAi Weiwei is trouwens niet slordig, hij is methodisch en politiek. \nIk niet, ik draag hakken. \n\nDe eerste keer, toen ik op mijn hakken ‘De Brug Zonder Naam’ op struikelde en ik dat jongetje in zijn hoodie gelijk een warme wind voorbij zag zweven, moest ik een beetje schreien. Hij keek met zo een onbevangen blik naar mij dat de tranen in mijn ogen sprongen. Ik kan dat niet meer, dacht ik! Serieus! Veel te veel drama’s, veel te veel levenservaring! Bruggen die ik vroeger met liefde heb opgebouwd, zijn niet alleen verbrand, maar soms compleet in rook opgegaan! \nHet water eronder? Troebel, juist gelijk mijn blik op de wereld rondom mij. \n\nAi Weiwei weet dat. ‘Kom Pascale, streelt de brugleuning nog ne keer’, zegt hij dan. \nHij kent mij ondertussen. \n‘Streelt de brugleuning alsof uw vingers vol verlangen zitten.’ \nEn mijn antwoord is altijd ‘Ja!’. \nKom luisteraar, leg uw handen op de leuning en streel. Dat helpt. \n\nDeze brug zonder naam zal u troosten. \nGoh, ‘t is toch nen echte kunstenaar, hé? Diene Ai Weiwei? \nMaar ook rebels! Gelijk Betty Boop! \nAi Weiwei is ‘aictivistisch’, net als zijn moeder. \nHij zegt: ‘Als kunst zich niet meer bekommert over de pijn en het verdriet van de mensen, wat is het dan wel? Hein? Esthetisch? Leuk? Een judaskus?’ \n… Oh! Nu dat ik eraan denk, wat zou ik hier graag honderd kussen krijgen, van de kunstenaar zelf bijvoorbeeld. Voor al die arme mensen die er nooit één krijgen op een brug. Ge weet wel, die mensen met een open wonde, of de eenzaten… of de mensen met hoogtevrees! Jamaarja, dat is hier hoog, ze. \nNu ik eraan denk, ik zou misschien liever kussen blazen. \nHonderd, of nee, duiz …vijfduizend kussen blazen! \n… \nAi Weiwei heeft in China al zijn bruggen opgeblazen, als een grote ‘Fuck you’ naar het vaderlijke erfgoed van zijn kinderachtig moederland. \nPuur uit liefde. Uit pure liefde! Hij schreeuwde zijn liefde uit en hij blijft dat doen! \nGelijk éne lange schreeuw van Munch! \nDe Schreeuw van AiWeiwei! Fuck you! In LEGO-blokskes. Aiaiaiai! \n..Zijn vader, de dichter, is gevangengezet, wist ge dat? En hij ook, met zijn moeder, in een werkkamp. Zijn mond werd gesnoerd, maar zijn gedachten gelukkig niet. \nChina kon Ai Weiwei zijn geschreeuw niet meer aanhoren en nu kan hij daar niet meer binnen. Toch niet onder zijn eigen naam. \n\nTrouwens,.. ‘De Brug Zonder Naam’ heeft wel een naam, een schuilnaam. \n‘De Brug van Gao Ying’, heet ze. \nJa, gelijk zijn moeder. \nDe tweede keer dat ik de brug op struikelde, zag ik haar. \nZe kwam naar mij met Ai Weiwei naast haar.\nDaar was hij dan! Eindelijk zeg! Hij droeg een donkerblauwe hoodie. \nZijn vader stond aan de overkant van de brug en hij hield een sjaal vast met een draak erop. Ze voerden een overgangsritueel uit, denk ik, want ze waren alledrie zo gefocust dat ze mij niet eens opmerkten! \nIk zal het u beschrijven. En gij moet hem nadoen. \nDus. Gao Ying komt met Ai Weiwei naar de brug en moedigt hem aan om alleen over de brug te lopen. Doe maar. Ja, steekt de brug over. \nEn stel u voor dat, als ge, net als Ai Weiwei, aan de overkant, uw vader, uw vaderland bereikt, hij u een sjaal omdoet, daarna draait gij u langzaam om en kijkt naar uw moeder, uw moederland. Iedereen kijkt naar elkaar! Intens! \nEn dan loopt uw moeder terug over de brug naar u. Stel het u voor. Ze heeft een glimlach op haar gezicht. Haar haar wappert in de wind. De zon schijnt op haar gezicht.\nEn dan fluistert ze: ‘’t Is goed, kind. Ge hebt de fakkel waardig gedragen. Stop maar met vechten en pakt uw mama nog ne keer goed vast. Kom hier, gij, kom.’t Was niet gemakkelijk hé? \n\nAi Weiwei en ik hebben, na zijn ontmoeting met zijn moeder, niet meer over de legende gesproken, want zijn moeder is dood en hij was te veel onder de indruk, maar ik weet wat hij vindt dat gij moet weten. \n‘De Legende van de ‘Bridge without a, name’, zegt hij altijd, ‘is mijn legende, want ik ben de bruggenbouwer. Maar het is ook, en misschien nog meer, de legende van de schoolkinderen uit Sichuan. \nOnder deze brug schuilt immers een verschrikkelijk geheim. \nOnder elke brug, trouwens. \n\nJa, en ik weet niet hoe hij het precies zou zeggen, maar hij wil niet dat ge over deze brug loopt alsof het een banale verbinding is tussen punt a en punt b. \nOf tussen het verleden en het heden. \nHij wil dat ge stilstaat bij de dingen. \nDaarom heeft hij die legende gecreëerd. \nIk lees ze voor, leer ze vanbuiten: \n\nDe legende van de ‘Bridge without a, name’; \nGeen brug te ver als ge licht en moeiteloos over mij loopt, \nwant eeuwig kind zult gij blijven!\nGeen brug te ver als gij over mij struikelt. Struikelt gij? Struikel dan drie keer na elkaar en roept: ‘Ai! … en daarna stillekes ‘Weiwei!’,\nwant nooit meer eenzaam zult gij zijn! \nGeen brug te ver voor u, de durver, de held of heldin die de moed vindt om op de ‘Bridge without a name’ een onbekende medemens warm te omhelzen, want zielsgelukkig in de liefde zult gij worden! \n\nHet is tijd om uzelf naar binnen te keren. \nWat wilde gij? Denk na! ‘What do you want!? Nǐ xiǎng yào shénme? \nEeuwig kind blijven, nooit meer eenzaam zijn of groot geluk in de liefde? \nFluistert uw antwoord als ge in ‘t midden van de brug staat. \nZeg het! Ge moogt! 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In dezelfde kamer had een groep mannen zich in een halve cirkel rondom een terrarium verzameld. Buiten, in het donker, rukten de vijandelijke legers op. De beeldhouwster had haar koffers al gepakt. De volgende dag zou ze afreizen naar een boerderij in het zuiden om daar klei uit de rivierbedding te scheppen en de berichten over geïndustrialiseerde slachtpartijen om te zetten in sculpturen. Ze hield zichzelf voor dat dit een daad van verzet was. \n\nDe mannen sloegen geen acht op haar, verzonken in hun bespiegelingen op de vrouwelijke bidsprinkhaan, die in het midden van het terrarium onder een gloeilamp zat. Ze hadden deze bidsprinkhaan ‘de grote priesteres van de liefdesmisdaad’ gedoopt en kwamen wekelijks samen om haar gedragingen te observeren. \n\nDe beeldhouwster vroeg zich af wat de roerloze bidsprinkhaan over zichzelf wist; zo ver verwijderd van de plant die haar voorouders in de loop van duizenden jaren perfect hadden nagebootst; tot op het punt dat de nerven van een blad, een rand, een breuk, een patroon niet langer tot een exoskelet leken te behoren, maar zich zonder duidelijke omlijning uitstrekten in de ruimte. Een van de mannen had eens geopperd dat in haar camouflage het verlangen besloten lag om de eigen individualiteit op te lossen. \n\nVanuit de aanpalende kamer klonk het geluid van de radio en de beeldhouwster spitste haar oren: ‘onze correspondenten melden dat rondom de noordelijke voorsteden de vliegtuigen laag overvliegen, er worden schattingen gemaakt van tweeduizend doden bij het bombardement eerder deze avond’. \n\nEen van de mannen haalde uit zijn tas een koekblik. Uit een gaatje dat in het deksel was geslagen, hengelde het pootje van een andere bidsprinkhaan. De beeldhouwster dacht aan het eerste dier geboren in gevangenschap; een vis in een uitgegraven poel, een wezen zonder besef van de wereld buiten de wanden die zijn ademtocht omlijsten, of een uit het ei gebroken vogel die direct was vastgestrikt, en het zachte zoemen van de cellen voelde die zich andere levens herinnerden. \n\nHet deksel van het terrarium werd opgetild. De veel kleinere mannelijke bidsprinkhaan, die door de groep mannen ‘het offer’ was gedoopt, bleef zich vasthouden aan de rand van het koekblik. De mannenhand schudde het blik en het offer klampte zich vast aan een van de plastic planten. De beeldhouwster stond op en ging tussen de mannen voor het terrarium zitten. \n\nHet offer verschool zich tussen de plastic bladeren en leek vanuit daar de priesteres te bespieden. De priesteres bleef onberoerd als altijd, alleen haar ogen draaiden traag, alsof ze de focus van de gezichten achter het glas probeerde vast te houden. De voelsprieten van het offer begonnen te trillen, hij moest een signaal oppikken. Van achteren besloop hij traag de priesteres. Stilte vulde de ruimte. Uit de radio kwam slechts geruis. \n\nDe beeldhouwster voelde haar adem verkorten. De priesteres bewoog niet, maar iets in haar houding veranderde subtiel en zodra hij haar beroerde, werd een trekker overgehaald. Met haar gekartelde klauwen greep ze het offer vast en draaide hem in positie. Hij stribbelde tegen, maar was geen partij voor haar. Resoluut zette ze haar kaken in zijn nek. De beeldhouwster leunde naar voren en hoorde het knisperen van zijn schild. Binnen enkele tellen had ze hem onthoofd en begon ze zijn linkeroog op te peuzelen. Methodisch, niet wreed, niet liefdevol, slechts zoals een lichaam eet, zoals de dag de nacht opeet zonder te aarzelen. Ondertussen klampte het onthoofde lichaam zich vast aan haar rug, wikkelde zijn onderbuik om het hare, begon haar te bevruchten. \n\nDe mannen maakten aantekeningen in hun boekjes. De beeldhouwster keek naar hun gezichten in de reflectie op het terrarium. Had de wereld haar niet geleerd dat geweld iets verwerpelijks was? Hier voelde ze echter een zuiverheid die buiten goed en kwaad bestond, iets wat buiten de barokke vormen van lijden stond die mensen op de wereld loslieten. \nSlechts een ruwe levensvonk die zich in de meest onmogelijke bochten wrong om zich te verzetten tegen het uiteenvallen der dingen. \n\nDe bidsprinkhaan knaagde aan de laatste voelspriet, terwijl het onthoofde lichaam mechanisch bleef bewegen, een leegte die zichzelf niet begreep. De beeldhouwster voelde een rilling over haar rug gaan. Iemands zaad in je moeten dragen, dat zware materiaal dat zich steeds weer tot het oorlogswapen van het lijf liet maken. Ze voelde de blik van de mannen in haar rug, hoe ze haar reactie probeerden te peilen. Zagen ze in dit tafereel een bevestiging van wat ze dachten te weten over de wereld, over wat een vrouw is? 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